I miss you

absolute in love

I might be absolute in love;
I give all that I have

I might be absolute in love,
because I give all that
I have,
and I have you

I am radical in my love
I am ready to let go
to let you slip out of
my fingers
like rain

I am total in my love
so it includes all the
little details in “us”:
drops of water in our showers,
last gazes you gave me in airports
even hair you left in beds of hotels

I am absolute in love
I give all that I have
and do not have

I might be absolute in love
looking for someone
that you are not

how beautiful it is
to fall in love
how beautiful it is
to fall in love with
someone that is you
but not you…

I might be paradoxical in my love
I let go of that I mostly cling to
and I cling to those moments
of feelings…of emotions…of dreams
I violently want to detach from.

I might be absolute in love,
waiting for an unwanted guest
to knock on my door…
I open and she gives me
a gift
that I am obliged to accept
out of Arab generosity…
or culture of respect.

I might be paradoxical in love
I accept the unacceptable
predict the unpredictable
and diffuse all stories
compressed in a coffee cup
told by an old woman
whose hands hide a history
of a thousand years old.

I do not feel jealous

I do not feel jealous…
when you make love
to your lovers.

I do not feel jealous…
when others tell you
how beautiful you are
or how just on sunset times,
you replace the sun…

I do not feel jealous…
even when other lovers
take your hand
and walk you home…

I do not feel jealous,
at those instances
I am supposed
to feel jealous.

But, my lady, how I feel jealous
imagining you dancing
without me…

when you dance you make love to me;
when you dance you are the sun;
when you dance you take my hand and
walk me home.

imaging you dancing…
without me…I feel
very jealous.

I do not resemble your other lovers

three women fell in love with you,
three women are after you:
the one who always comes in the worst timing;
the one who no Youm Kippour on earth will
clear her mind from you;
and me, who always leaves with the winds...
----------------------

here where i agree with Nizar Qabbani's poem:

I do not resemble your other lovers, my lady
should another give you a cloud
I give you rain
Should he give you a lantern, I
will give you the moon
Should he give you a branch
I will give you the trees
And if another gives you a ship
I shall give you the journey.

and if i said i love you...(audio version)

http://odeo.com/show/13043303/2086743/download/AndIfISaidILoveYou.mp3

and if i said i love you...

[to A.]

and if i said i love you
what will happen to the sun?
will it stop its circles and follow me?
and if i said that the sky only reminds me of you
will the moon leave the blankets of its night
and come to me?

my love, that changes the order of things,
i still remember your smell
leading me to uninhabited corners
of every village i pass by
and your hair...
how your hair
used to transform me into an olive tree
that resists all oppressions

my love, how i still live the dream
of you and me
leaving all that matters in our lives
and follow our dreams
so i keep on forgetting how to live again
how to wake up with every morning
how to wash myself
how to prepare Arabic coffee
and how to drink it with no sugar...

my love, that keeps on moving
underneath my skin
and unfolding my imaginary gifts...
what shall i gift you today?
a river? when your tears are all rivers!
a moon? when it was named after your eyes!
a word? when all words live in your lips!
what shall i gift you today?
my life? when i have forgotten how to live it?

and if i said i love you
what will happen to the sun?
will it rise again with every morning
to remind me of your smiles?
or will it give up my
obsessions with your smiles...?

my love to you is turning
my life upside down
changing the laws of astronomy
the laws of languages
and leaving me puzzled
helplessly chasing an imaginary
memory of your gaze
in the eyes of wild deers
that are known by their shyness.

and if i said i love you
will the sun ever rise again,
giving the unpredictability of
the consequences
of these words,
on the order of things?

it is amazing
how life takes you
to directions
that only the birds know of...

words

[to A.]

he whispered in my ears
words of passion
but how i couldn't
not think of you...
he told me how he
would fuck me
and how i would enjoy it...
but how i couldn't
not think of fucking you...
although i would have loved
to touch his dick and feel some
flesh with my hands
and although i wished
to be penetrated
i also wished it was you.

he whispered in my ears
words of beauty
but how i couldn't
not imagine you,
with your lips smiling
reminding me of the sun
when it rises,
violently...
as a surprise
every morning...
as if life has its own logic.
how i couldn't not
feel your hair
when he touched my hair
and told me how much he
adored it.

he whispered in my ears words
that are not like all the rest...
and i could not help it but,
remember how your voice
swims inside my chest
moving my lungs
and making it impossible
to breath.

he whispered all sorts of
words...
and all i could hear
were the letters
that compose your name...

wishes of an exile

on the roads just
outside the city of
Ottawa...
where life seems dead
"ya allah, ya allah! [Oh God, oh God!]
I wish...", A'reen said,
"I could sit on a balcony
and watch people
as they pass by
to their work
to their homes,
how I wish I had
a balcony...
If we were in Lebanon
all these roads
by these villages
would be filled with people."

imaginary exit

In a cafe'
I sat tired and the sun
melting my eyes,
although arabesque coffee desperately kept me awake,
I took my glasses off
a school bus passed by
the window
and the 'emergency exit'
written on its body
for some reason
read as 'imaginary exit'.

Away from blog

I am still alive
just busy with university work...

be back soon inshallah.